The adventures of a misguided time traveler

The Owl that comes to my house

2010-04-16T20:22:00.000-07:00

There is an Owl that frequently comes and spends time in the distant trees of my property.

I have been told by a local Owl Expert, that he is a Mature Barred Owl.

Graveyard

2009-10-10T10:17:00.000-07:00

I really want to go see my sister's grave in Seattle but I am so exhausted from this week, I can barely keep my eyes open this morning. She is buried in the 4th quadrant, which is the upper left hand corner, gravesite #171.

Work has been a nightmare and it doesn't appear to be easing off for next week, either. Today is my only day off. I need to stay home and cherish it, I think.

It's been 2 months since he died

2009-10-09T07:36:00.000-07:00

My beloved step-father passed away on August 10th and everything is different now.

Five days after his death, my sister left her very ill husband and moved in with my mother.

Since then, we have had a Memorial BBQ for him that no one but the immediate family came to, we found out my sister is growing pot in my step-dad's tomatoe hot house, they have purchased 3 dogs online, given my sister's EX husband $15,000 to save his failing coffee shop (his 5th failed business in 10 years) and through it all I haven't received one message from them except for some drunk/high text messages from my sister the other night.

My husband has gone out of town to a seminar where his phone will be turned off and he will be out of contact. It's just me and the doggies this weekend.

I think I will go to Discovery Park and find my sister's grave. The weather has been just beautiful lately. No rain, no clouds hardly... just a deep, periwinkle blue sky as the perfect background with the leaves changing colors and the pinecones on the fir trees are really brown, too. The perfect setting for a visit to a graveyard.

How to kill a man with a can of creamed corn

2009-09-10T12:41:00.000-07:00

1. Throw can of creamed corn at man, hitting him in a soft, sensitive area of the head (the temple, for instance).

2. Open creamed corn with a can opener. Use sharp edge of can-flap to slice the man’s jugular.
3. Put unopened can of creamed corn in microwave, and turn on at high power. When can and/or microwave explodes, man is hit by shrapnel and killed.

4. Place can at top of large flight of stairs. Man trips on can and breaks neck when falling.

5. Cut tiny hole in can and allow to sit for a prolonged period of time. After creamed corn has gone rotten, place back on shelf. Man unknowingly eats creamed corn and dies from food poisoning.

6. Start a religious cult that worships a can of creamed corn. Entice the man to join your cult through an ingenious program involving kind actions, attractive women, and lowered critical thinking abilities created by weekend retreats designed to physically and mentally exhaust him with team games, “sharing sessions”, and no opportunity for sleep. Tell him that he can become “one with the corn” by drinking poisoned Kool-Aid. Serve Kool Aid. Man dies.

7. Open can, and pour creamed corn into man’s nose and mouth while he sleeps. Man suffocates.

8. Train a pack of weasels to ravenously crave the taste of creamed corn. Pour can of creamed corn onto neck of man. Unleash weasels.

9. Open can of creamed corn. Pour creamed corn into engine oil compartment of man’s car. Engine seizes up while man is driving, causing an accident and killing the man. (Only works for North American cars - German or Japanese cars may only allow for slight maiming).

10. Pick up can of creamed corn. Bash man in head with it.

Time for some reflection, I guess....

2009-06-29T16:43:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary,

It's been awhile since my last post. I've been busy with taking care of Oscar. The cataract in his left eye turned dark last year. Turns out, that was a good thing. It matured and dried up - just like my ovaries and uterus will some day. By doing that, it restored a good portion of his eye sight back.

Now for the bad news. The cataract in his right eye never matured and about 5 days ago he started crying like he was really hurting - for no apparent reason. The next morning I took him to the Vet. The lens in his right eye had become dislodged and the eye was 50% larger than normal, due to glaucoma. Our only realistic option was to have his eye surgically removed.

At first I thought I was handling the entire thing like a real adult. Then the next morning arrived and I started crying like an idiot at the Vet's office.

Seriously... I was a Hot Mess.

The vet techs were all concerned and trying to comfort me but I was inconsolable. HOT MESS.

His wound is starting to heal now and it's getting "itchy". I feel for him, since my own skin itches all over almost all of the time.

I'm suddenly very tired just from reviewing all of this madness. More tomorrow.

The weather outside is delightful!

2009-05-28T08:52:00.000-07:00

FINALLY the rain and snow have subsided and the sky is once again the glorious color of blue with huge fluffy clouds that kind of hug the horizon of the tree tops. Winter around here can be really grim and tedious but once the weather changes, there really is no better place to live. It's just stunning.

This is a shot I took for a realtor the other day. This is not my house, unfortunately!

PMS and the Temporary Insanity Clause

2009-05-26T13:33:00.000-07:00

So, Temporary Insanity as a means to legally commit murder always sounded like a great idea to me when I was a kid. Apparently, it's not that easy to actually use it successfully but today I was tempted to test it whilst ordering a sandwich at a local Subway.

See... this crazy little Island I am on doesn't allow corporations to own businesses here. Somehow these guys snuck in under the guise of being owned & operated by a local owner.

Instead of boring you with the details of how little it takes to get me on a rant, I will just say this. It was a cluster fuck of an order scenario and there were only 2 other customers in the whole place. If these geniuses behind the counter are the owners then I am Hilary Clinton.

Bottomline: I almost walked out at one point and they drenched my sandwich with sauce like it was on fire. Grrrr.

For crying out loud...

2009-05-22T08:00:00.000-07:00

So, it's been a month since my last post and my only reason to post today is because I just realized how lame I am. I am feeling exactly the same way I did a month ago, like I can't do enough for other people.

Last month when this came up, I scrambled to make it happen. This morning I actually asked 3 other people to change their plans so I could work one more day, instead of going on a day trip of fun. God forbid that I might allow myself to have fun, right? Well, my friend Harold put it best. "Are you putting us off because you might die if you can't work one more day?"

I am such a lame ass! I just told my boss that I have plans and told my homies that tomorrow WE RIDE!

Thank God I see my shrink this morning, so he can help me climb down off of this cliff.

Goddammit

2009-04-26T09:06:00.000-07:00

I hate it when I can't control my Universe so that I can please everyone all the time. I'm serious.

It's not because I crave approval, either. It's because I love being a Super Hero. The girl you go to when no one else can figure something out.

I accepted a gig today to do an open house for another agent in my office for $100. Now my REAL boss needs me to cover part of his open house because he/we have clients coming in to discuss a purchase on a 4 million dollar listing. FUCK. I'm trying to find help but no one is answering my emails or texts. Lazy ass realtors sleeping in on a Sunday while I am trying to save the world. Typical.

I'm alive!

2009-04-24T08:00:00.000-07:00

So, after suffering for what feels like a LIFETIME of pain, I am finally shaking off the germs that had a death grip on my sinuses. Yikers, that was awful.

I'm back at work and continuing to get noticed and complimented for my work as an architectural photographer and the marketing designs I've been doing. Seriously... I did a new marketing flyer for a commercial projest that is so awesome, they need a new word for awesome. It is AWESOME.

I also captured this photo of the ferry from the deck of a condo I was working at. I'm really proud of this one and the way the image of the ferry is reflected off the water. My photoshop abilities are not good enough to edit that into the shot!

It's going to be another beautiful day today. I need to go drive around and take more photos. I have been asked for photos for a new real estate website and they are willing to pay me for them. Hell yeah, Baby. Mommy needs a new bottle of Vodka!

I haven't been sewing much because of being ill and I need to get busy. People are starting to ask me too many questions and now I'm just making shit up as I go along. LOL I'm such a cow.

This weekend I am going to make a couple of skirts so I woun't be such a liar anymore. My next few items are very vintage inspired and it's probably a bad idea, but whatever. I'm making a pencil skirt and a poodle skirt. Complete with the poodle and the crinoline petticoat. They say to use felt for the skirt but I just can't do that. It's weird. And heavy. I once borrowed one from a friend for a costume party and trying to dance in it was uncomfortable. The felt was hot and really heavy. I think denim would be cuter.

I'll post pictures of my creations as soon as they are finished! I promise!

Peace,

~Scout

O.... M.... G....

2009-04-19T15:31:00.000-07:00

I am so tired today. I have been slowly getting better but I think I just found out that I still have limits. After going shopping, coloring my hair and making lasagna from scratch I am exhausted. Like I can't get any oxygen in my blood.

I am so tired. Ug.

Mind Games

2009-04-18T09:16:00.000-07:00

A little better today. Friends and family keeping us busy and keeping Brent's mind active doesn't allow time for brooding and sinking deeper into his depression.

I spoke with our counselor about it yesterday and I guess I feel a little better prepared to handle it. I dunno.

I thought that by tomorrow I would have my old job back but so far no go.

A really good list of questions

2009-04-15T16:42:00.000-07:00

What is your favorite word?
Awesome. Not only is it awesome, it reminds me of eeJeff Spicoli in Fast Times at Ridgemont High. Here was this gawky but cool stoner using these words from really formal vocabulary... and making them COOL. As a Geek from Honors English in high school... I truly loved him for that.

What is your least favorite word?

Nigger. I don't care how you use it or who uses it. It was intended to hurt people and hold people back and I have always hated it.

What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally?

Words that look difficult to pronounce but are easy to say. Colors, laughter, Vodka.

What turns you off creatively, spiritually or emotionally?

Hatefulness. Violence.

What sound or noise do you love?

Music that I can really relate to.

What sound or noise do you hate?

My dogs hurting.

What is your favorite curse word?

Fucktard

What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?

Restaurant Owner

What profession would you not like to do?

Carnival/Circus employee

If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?

That... was AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Everything hurts...

2009-04-14T09:44:00.001-07:00

My gums hurt, my teeth hurt, my throat, my stomach, my brain, my sinuses...

The only thing I can think about now is the sweet embrace of death.

Oh... and here's a picture of me and VooDoo Girl in our retirement days to come.

~Scout

Sick... like dog.

2009-04-13T10:32:00.000-07:00

Seriously... I'm dying. I have the worst cold ever in the history of modern medicine. Yesterday my glands were so swollen I could barely swallow my vodka. The cold medicine is barely able to do anything against the wrath of this uber germ that is trying to kill me.

My face is so hot a prickly I can't wear make-up. Yeah. Gross. I hate being home sick. It makes me feel wonky in the head.

We had an appraiser come by this morning for our refinance. Yeah, that's what I wanted to do first thing this morning. Get up in a Nyquil stupor and scrub the house clean in an hour. Fabulous. The dogs were going nuts the whole time and I look horrific.

Meanwhile, back on the planet Earth where life goes on without my incessant whining... I applied for a job on Friday with a local credit union as an Executive Assistant. F*%#ers better hire me. Actully, I'd still prefer to get my old job back at the real estate office as a staff person - rather than a freelance marketing guru. Guruship is overrated and under paid.

I'm sick of my car, I'm sick of my shoes and I'm sicl of being poor. Plus, I'm sick.

Did I mention that I have a raging cold?

Anyway, here's a photo I took the other day of Eagle Harbor during a very breif moment of sunshine.

Cheers, Scout

SARS or something like it

2009-04-09T16:59:00.000-07:00

So, I have either contracted the deadly disease knows as SARS or my sinuses are pissed off about all the tree pollen around here. My head hurts and my eyes hurt. Really? My eyes? Is that neccessary?

Mucus Plugs? Seriously?

2009-04-04T12:03:00.000-07:00

So. I'm off to a Baby Shower today for someone I barely know. I really really like this person and I'm happy that she's happy about the baby on the way. The real reason I am going is to support my best friend, who like me, is also not a mother. They are close friends and she knows its the right thing to go, but seriously... Baby Showers for women like us are TORTURE.

Stories about the water breaking, etc. are standard fare but the last one of these I went to got graphic. As time goes on and discussions about bodily functions become more acceptable in our modern culture, the more gruesome these parties have become.

What am I specifically talking about? Mucus Plugs. I have been attending Baby Showers for at least 20 years now and last year was the 1st time I had EVER HEARD of this phenomenom. Honestly, I wish it has stayed that way. If they start in on it today, I will barf.

Also, whilst shopping for presents yesterday I noticed a darling little marketing technique for pacifiers. They have that cute little Gerber baby picture on there and then a big flag at the top happliy letting New Moms know that these pacifiers are specifically designed to help prevent SIDS. Congrats on the new baby! I hope he doesn't die in his sleep. Jesus C#%*....

It's noon. Thank God. I already need a drink.

Well, shit... here I am!

2009-03-31T11:18:00.000-07:00

Kind of funny to be blogging to NO ONE right now but I just moved in here to Blogspot and haven't been able to unpack any boxes yet.

I've really missed being on My Space, although financially it has been a great boost to my financial well being. Less time online = more focus on obtaining projects.

I've also been experiencing some creativity blockage and I'm hoping that just being able to come on here and be me for awhile - floating around in hyper-space will help.

Things I have done since leaving My Space with my own commentary regarding these projects:

~Lots of photography (paid) WOOT WOOT!

~Marketing jobs (paid) Again with the Woots.

~Dabbled breifly in the Rental Market and was quickly reminded why I didn't go into Property Management. Hot Mess.

~Sewed a Dinosaur costume for my dog, Riley. So CUTE!

~Got Oscar's teeth cleaned. They pulled out his front teeth and I'm trying to teach him to whistle.

~Experimented with a new Black Bean Soup recipe. Disasterous.

~Painted a picture of a ancient Wisteria Tree. Awesome.

~Hurt my back. Sucks to be me.

~Dropped a chair on my foot. I am such a clumsy oaf and I'm lucky it didn't break.

~Bought a pair of black denim jeans online with zippered ankles. I was then quickly reminded that it is indeed no longer 1983 and they went back without having ever graced my fat ass for a moment.

~Got a TIMMAY! doll for my desk. Awesome.